I regret to inform you that the website is down prod is down everything is on fire.
This is our ____ incident this month. Our code is unmaintainable because it's a giant monolith 587 microservices PHP and it runs on one server data center Raspberry Pi.
Worst of all, our database is not backed up, so we lost our data backed up, but the backups don't work, so we lost our data sharded, so we lost our data twice NoSQL, so we're webscale, and we've been losing data for years.
We only deploy once every few weeks months fundraising rounds and it's always a disaster because we have no automated tests automated deployment monitoring.
Also, our servers are exposed publicly not up to date on security patches all use a single SSH key store passwords in plaintext, so it's just a matter of time until ___________________.
We need to manage infrastructure as code automate all the things secure all the things, but we never seem to have time for this grunt work because _______________________.